Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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