It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
