filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize