I think i sorta joined a cult last night
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
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when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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