Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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