stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize