Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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