Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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