That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
