the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
