I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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