Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
no you cant smoke seaweed
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
