Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
