And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
All the doctor said was why
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
