At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
