Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
