I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
