I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
