If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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