There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
where are my eyebrows?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
