After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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