You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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