The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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