Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
