If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
