and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
