I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
