everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
