I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I didn't shave. On purpose
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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