I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
please come you make the beer taste better
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
