I bet he comes in French.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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