So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
