yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
