It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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