I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
