you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
