Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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