There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I believe in your delicious
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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