ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
