do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Green mimosas i think yes
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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