You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We're like a lot better than the average bears
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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