see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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