She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
