As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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