just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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