My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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