i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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