oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
