some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
