you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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