I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
