Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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