..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
