no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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