dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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