this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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