Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
