If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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