If that was your dad, he is hot
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
