FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
