atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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