yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
