...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
