the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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