You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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