For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
