her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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