I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
