i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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