wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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