I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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