ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
