Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
