My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I need water and some morals
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
