Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
