So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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