no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
