Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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