So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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